Breathe of fresh air

Oh what a breathe of fresh air
Lungs open
Attention given
Thoughts stirring

So close
Yet so far
Always will be
What a shame huh?

Why do I torment myself?
Am I crazy?
Well I'm not as crazy as other people
As least I dont think so...go figure

I can't even tell you
Tell you things I need to
I'd fear that it would interfere
Interfere with what we DO have

I am so sorry
I should've never gotten you involved
For my sake and yours
Fuck man...

Leave it to me
Fucking everything up as usual
Delusions of grandeur
They get the fucking best of me

False hopes
Wrapping myself up
Suffocating myself
Ready to die

I'm fucked up in the head
Always have been
Always will be
Can't live with myself anymore

The irony of it all
To think I had a chance
I never had the slightest
And I never will

Why do I keep promising?
Is it because of love?
It would have to be
You're the only one I care about

I hope this doesn't freak you out
But it's the truth
The truth is known to hurt at times
I live with that realization everyday

You said God has a purpose for you
And you've fulfilled that in my case
At least with me
But our hour is over my dear

Thank you for being my rock
My everything
If only for a short period of time
It was more than I could've asked for

But now it is time for me to depart
Travel to other worlds
With the power of thought
For which you are the basis of

Please remember me
For who I am
Not what I've done
I had a heart once...it was for you

Ya don't say?

Well, The Beatles must not be cool
You've shown that to me...
But I don't fault you
You have a job to do

Waivers need to be signed
Processes
Forms
Bullshit

Why have I been forsaken?
Why don't I just pull the plug?
Take me off of life support already...
I'm terminal

Those red stairs are hot today
They need to cool down
Or else I can't ascend
Ascend to my much wanted end

It's hard to beathe
So fucking hard
I'm in soo much pain
I just want it all to go away

Surely you can understand that
Can't you?
There's nothing left here for me
No dreams, no aspirations

It's fucked
It's all fucked
Why stay?
Why live in torment?

Besides
There's one thing
One thing worth living for
And I can never have it

This is how it was supposed to be
It's my fate
It's not a secret to God
And it's not a secret to you

Read between the lines
Well, read all of them
When you do you will find
What is to come in due time

You've been a blessing to my life
But you've also been a curse
A taste of things that should've been
But were never part of the plan

Why is life so cruel?
I finished school
Why all of these fucking lessons?
They suck hardcore

Please be content in knowing
That I never meant to hurt you
We probably should've never met
It makes this more difficult my dear

The pieces are here
Put them together
Seek your closure
I didn't leave you without notice

Look for the clues
I have sent them to you
But of course
Accessing this means you know

Cryptic messages
Fun aren't they?
I have enjoyed leaving them
Helped to pass the time

Delusions of Grandeur

Rationalize
Something's broken
Am I hallucinating?
Yes...I believe that I am

Fuck!
It feels so right though!
Can't I just pretend?
How is it really hurting anyone?

I can't deny my heart
It leads me
Has never forsaken me
It's true

So who's to say that I am delusional?
I'm in this by myself anyways
Don't like it?
Well then fuck off!

I am the greatest
I have the greatest person in my life
She cares about me
When noone else does...or ever has

Thank you very much
For your unbiased support
You light my darkness
No harm can come to my spirit

Gutter Trash

Walked by
Stepped on
Looked at in disgust
Tax paid pickup

Gutter trash of the world
Misguided & misunderstood
Fucking hated
Fucking ridiculed

Lazy
Dirty
Strung out
Ragged

Point your fingers and stare
Take a picture if you'd like
It'll last longer
God knows all....remember that

If it weren't for that one person
The one that matters above all
And yet...she doesn't even know
I'd kill you all

You're keeping me sane
Yet driving me fucking crazy
Crazy in ways I've never ever felt
I love it

Sweep me up under your rug
Let me reak up your place forever
Make your dog sneeze
And your neighbors complain

This is life
Real as fuck
Open your eyes
We are all here and have been here

We aren't going anywhere
Oppressive societies chain us here
Thank them with all of your money
While we sit and starve

We own the the land
The places you snobs cannot
We are united in the struggle
The homeless gutter trash

My Damned Fate

I see you everyday
No matter where I am
There you are
Towering

I often ponder
How it will be
To ascend your red steps
Ahhh....I can breathe!

The air here is so dense
So humid & stale
I feel like I am choking
Sometimes it's too hard to tell

Cryptic messages
Try to understand
You are omnipotent
I know you will discover my plan

Paul says "Let it be"
Beatles fan?
I'm not too sure
Let's wait and see...shall we?

My words are many
They are never ending
Long after I'm gone
They will forever be telling

Oh how it will be
To finally be "earthly dead"
So that I can be with my Lord
I'll lay in my golden, transparent bed

By your side
I will always stay
Watching out
Waiting

No promises
Or "Until next time" my dear
For I will be of spirit
And will make myself clear

When we finally meet again
It will be the start of my new life
But when will this old one end?
Might it be tonight?

But you of course know
That I will always keep my word
For as long as I can
God....this hurts

But I am content in knowing
That I am leaving behind
A world where I couldn't have you
For a world that is Divine

New start
New meaning
Let's walk, let's talk....eventually
Yes...that would be worth it all

Always remember
That you never failed me
I was a doomed soul already
I was but a shell

Please do not greive
Please do not cry
I am with God now
And I can fly!

My heart will go on
My feelings for you will never end
Always remember that
For we will meet again...

Drained

Weakened senses
Paralysis
Shortness of breathe
Numbness

Symptoms
Assessments
Common
Rare cases

You have infiltrated
My inner being
Took control
Gave me meaning

Your presence is the life of me
You may not quite understand
The hold you have on me
I am powerless to disobey

Just say the word
And thy will be done
You already know this
I hope you're having fun

Like a child at play
You fill me with endless wonder
The sight of you intoxicates me
Makes me feel high

I hope that this reaches you
In time that is fading fast
I need you always
Without you...I won't last

So deep a need
More than a desire
Be my kindling
My otherworldly fire

You drain me
Yes you do
All of my worries
All of my pain

Anxious and ravenous
At my highest point
Suddenly you appear
I am weightless...drained

My lifeforce is yours
Do with it as you please
It is in your hands
You have control

How to describe it?!?!

High walls
Brick & mortar
Impenetrable
Mighty

Ravaging
Painful
Intense
Suffocation

Seems like eternity
These walls
Until recently
Someone figured out the key

How did you do this?
Impossible!
But it can't be...
Yes...you ARE the key

Your hammer of infinite strength
Has completely demolished
What I have earnestly
Worked so hard to erect

I did not ever think
That it could be done
But you were ever so quick
And efficient

Have you any idea
Just how much that means to me?
Total mindfuck
Dizzyness....can't breathe!

You give me meaning
At a time so dark...so daunting
So deep
So lonely

Have you any idea of your power
That has totally disintegrated
My entire being
Cosmic

Angelic
Ancient
Omnipotent
Soul crushing

Love & words
Are all I have to offer
Could I possibly be worthy?
Please God tell me "Yes!"

Reconstructed
My heart is now
But somehow....
It beats differently

I am absolutely fucking drowning
In your intense aura
Doesn't matter though
I am content

If ever there was anything to live for
It couldn't be anything other than you
I know that fully and truly
And I say it faithfully

You have mesmerized me
Stripped out all of my inhibitions
Shook me up
But the foam won't settle!

I can't eat
I can't sleep
I can't think
You consume me

Take me into your arms
Let me lay there for eternity
I'd die a happy man
With no regrets